Why I Won’t Follow My Dad’s Funeral Wishes, Even Though They Are in His Will

When my dad passes away, I thought following his funeral wishes would be simple. He has left clear instructions in his will, a direct cremation, no service, no fuss.

But when the time comes, I can’t do it.

Here’s why I have decided not to follow my dad’s funeral wishes, and why I won’t regret it.

1. Funerals Are for the Living, Not Just the Dead

Dad’s will is practical, no-nonsense, and to the point, just like him. He doesn’t want a fuss, doesn’t want people crying over him, and doesn’t want to waste money on a funeral.

But what he hasn’t considered is his family.

His funeral isn’t just about him. It’s about the people who love him. The people who need to grieve, to say goodbye, to find comfort in each other.

A direct cremation, no service, no final goodbye, feels too abrupt. It won’t give us the closure we need.

Instead, we intend to hold a small, intimate gathering to celebrate his life. It isn’t about going against his wishes, it’s about balancing what he wants with what we need to heal.

2. His Wishes Doesn’t Reflect Who He Is

Dad doesn’t want a funeral because he thinks funerals are depressing and expensive. But what he really wants is to be remembered for the good times, not the sadness of losing him.

So I have found a compromise.

Instead of a formal funeral, we will have a celebration of his life.

We will share stories, play his favourite music, and raise a glass in his honour.

We will keep it simple, affordable, and in line with his personality, just not in the exact way he has written in his will.

And honestly? I think he will love it.

3. His Will Doesn’t Account for Emotions

Writing funeral wishes in a will is logical, but grief isn’t logical.

On paper, Dad’s plan makes sense. But when the time comes, we will be grieving. We will need to come together. Skipping a funeral feels wrong.

Dad hasn’t considered how we’d feel in that moment. And thats why, sometimes, funeral wishes in a will need to be reconsidered.

4. Our Family Will Need Closure

If we follow Dad’s will exactly, we will miss out on an important part of the grieving process.

• No chance to say goodbye.
• No space to share memories together.
• No moment to honour him in a way that feels real.
• And honestly? I think we will regret it forever.

Instead, we need to create a farewell that feels right for all of us.

5. It’s About Respect, Not Just Rules

Ignoring someone’s funeral wishes isn’t about disrespect. It’s about making decisions with love.

We respect Dad’s values. We will keep things low-key and simple. But we also make sure we give him the send-off he deserves, and give ourselves the chance to grieve.

Because funerals aren’t just about the person who’s gone. They’re about the people left behind.

Final Thoughts: Will I Regret It?

Not at all. I believe we will do the right thing for Dad, for our family, and for our own peace of mind.

If you’re struggling with funeral planning, my advice is this:

• Funeral wishes in a will are important, but they aren’t always set in stone.
• It’s okay to adjust plans to honour both the deceased and the grieving family.

What matters most is that the farewell feels right, for everyone involved.

If you’re facing difficult funeral decisions, FuneralSmart can help you find options that balance wishes, family needs, and affordability, without pressure or guilt.